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Managing Anger--Yours and Mine: The Next Steps

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(2007)

Charles E. Confer

First: Angering is a behavior. You can see angering. Angering has an identity and a force. The behavior might be yelling, hitting, swearing, driving like a maniac, hurting, sulking, pouting, arguing, drunking, disobeying or whatever-ing.

Second: Angering is a behavior the individual chooses. No person or thing can make the individual be or do anything. The individual is responsible for the behaviors she chooses, and sometimes the behavior the individual chooses in an attempt to make his life more satisfying is anger.

Third: Angering usually has something to do with a relationship that has gone awry. If the individual's relationships at school, in the family or at work are satisfying, the less chance there is for angering in his life. If the individual's personal relationships are damaged and she is disconnected from an important person (parents, teachers, bosses, spouse) angering may result.

Fourth: When you meet an angering person you can be sure of this: Some where in the angering person's life there is a conflict. When a individual angers, I can be certain there is someone in the individual's life who is trying to make the individual do something she doesn't want to door the individual is trying to make someone else do something that person does not want to door the individual is trying to make himself do something he does not want to do. In my initial assessment, I ask the question: Where is the conflict? Who is trying to make whom do what? Who is using manipulative coercion in this individual's life?

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